Dealing with Demotivation

[Design In-Sanity]

“I don’t want to do it.”

“You know you can’t!”

“They don’t like you! They don’t give a sh*t about anything that you do!”

“It’s not worth it. You’re wasting your time on it.”

Sound familiar? They sound very familiar to me. These are some of the words that creep into my mind, like the spells of sirens, when I’m feeling low. When I’m demotivated. I know that there are many out there who hear similar words, and you, my dear friend, might also have experienced the same, some time or the other.

Hi!! How are ya? Welcome to another post from Design In-Sanity, a bi-weekly blog (I know I missed a couple of weeks in between) where I talk about design tips, mental well-being and a few other stuff to help us both unleash our superpowers!! Yaaayyyyyeeee!!!

I’m Sudeshna, and today we are going to talk about — guess what? Demotivation.

Ah! I know it’s not a great “whoopee” thing to talk about. But it’s the elephant in the room that we need to push out. And the sooner it is, the better.

So, What is Demotivation?

Demotivation is nothing but your ego forbidding you to do the things you love.

Yeah, I narrowed all the essay down to this one statement during the lockdown. It’s original. Mine! 😉 😎

Think about it. What do you exactly feel when you are demotivated?

👎 You lack confidence.

👎 You feel like you’re not enough.

👎 You think no one will give a sh*t for anything that you do.

👎 You feel like you will never successfully complete what you started or want to start.

… and so on and on and on.

I’ve been there. Many times. Many many times. And no matter how much I detest it, I still sometimes find myself tripping round the corner and landing face first on that dark, dirty block.

So, before you start thinking that I’m a sorted person who has overcome the battle of self-doubt, let me tell you that until 2–3 weeks back, I had been demotivated for almost a month at a stretch. It was suffocating, like I was being pulled down below the surface despite all attempts at staying afloat.

Anyway.

We know how demotivation makes us feel. But at the same time, many of us also know what we are actually capable of doing, and that all these are mere lies. But our emotions get the better of us at that moment.

The 👎 statements above were what you feel when you are low. Now let’s take a look at what you actually know about yourself:

👍 You know you can do it!

👍 You are awesome!!

👍 People love you for who you are; and those who don’t…why bother?

👍 You can fly to the moon if you bloody want to!!

You see, deep inside, you know that you are totally FANTASTIC! The rational part of you knows. Once you calm down, and get out of the rabbit hole, you can get a clear picture of what you can do and cannot, as well as what you want to do.

But it is getting out of the rabbit hole that is tough.

I won’t ask people to try and not get demotivated. I haven’t been able to figure out a way. I just slip into it. But once you fall, I will DEFINITELY ask you to try your best and get out of it ASAP!!

Why Do We Get Demotivated?

Demotivation is the result of external factors affecting our emotions at weak moments. It has nothing to do with our weaknesses.

Wow! Sometimes I sound like a genius to myself! 😏

Every time you feel demotivated, the feeling is triggered by one or more external factors, isn’t it?

Like…

😔 Someone just telling you to drop an idea because they think that it isn’t good enough.

🥺 Your teammates or friends not appreciating you for something that you so enthusiastically did.

😤 Your boss not acknowledging the efforts you’ve been putting into the company’s growth.

😭 One of your acquaintances getting a better job or achieving something that you’ve been longing for.

😫 One of your colleagues getting a better salary when you know that you had been putting in more effort in the success of the projects.

…and there are many more like these.

Did you notice it?

None of these are your failures but the negativity of people and situation around you. There’s only one solution to it:

Stay away from negativity.

😊 It is practically impossible to avoid all negative people. But it is very much possible to brush off their negative remarks as soon as you hear them.

😊 As for situations that aren’t in your control, remember that everyone’s life has ups and downs. People don’t post the “downs” on social media. If you look only at their “ups” and forget about your own miracles, then you’re making a huge mistake!!

Of course, there are times when you fail at something repeatedly, and that is not something to blame on the world. And at one point of time you start wondering if you are indeed good enough.

👊 Know what? Kick the doubts out of the door or the window or through wherever you want to.

Give your best to achieve what you want. And if you fail, pat yourself on the back for trying hard.

Put the project aside, say to yourself, “I can do it. This is just not the right time.”

And choose something simpler. Something that you know that you can complete successfully. Give yourself a taste of achievement, even if that might be a simple one.

A friend of mine, Debobrata Debnath, advises to anyone who might be interested, “Always set small goals. That way, you can achieve them and move forward towards the big prize with confidence. If you set big targets, you will fail to complete them, and will get demotivated.”

I totally agree with him!

So, How Do You Get Out of Demotivation?

The only way to get out of demotivation is to have the best things about yourself laid out in front of you.

Yes. That’s it. Simple but not so simple. But here are a few things that you can try:

✌️ Put up your favourite motivational line before you.

It is not always necessary to put up loads of “positivity” posters around you. After a while, these can become like the nose. You know, we can always see our own nose, but our brain chooses to ignore it.

Everyone has at least one favourite line that drives them forward. And it often keeps changing over time, as our perspective towards life changes.

You can put up your go-to line anywhere:

• scribble it in your notebook
• put it up as your phone’s or desktop/laptop’s wallpaper
• have a poster in front of you
• have it printed on your mug or coaster or on your water bottle

It can be just anywhere! Sometimes I write it down on my arm like a great-looking tattoo!

The idea is to turn your head or flip a few pages, and find your mantra.

Or — even better — write that line down or say it aloud repeatedly whenever you feel yourself starting to get low.

🤩 Praise yourself!

While it may sound narcissistic, it is actually not.

Praising oneself is simply a beautiful task of reminding oneself how marvellous one is! It’s not like you’re spending hours looking at yourself or bragging about yourself. No!

While we are busy in the never-ending race for achievement, we often forget to appreciate ourselves. We seek appreciation from others and are disappointed when we do not receive even an acknowledgement of our hard work. But did we appreciate ourselves in the first place?

No, we did not.

Isn’t it wrong to expect something from others when we are not practising it ourselves?

So, make it a habit of appreciating yourself everyday. Remind yourself how AWESOME you are! Tell yourself that you BELIEVE in yourself. Tell yourself how you are getting BETTER everyday.

If possible, make a note of your achievements during your spare time. Nothing much, just a word or three to remember the wins.

Celebrate every small achievement. Treat yourself to a small gift or a nice meal or even a small chocolate or ice cream or whatever you love.

And when you’re feeling down, remind yourself of all the BRILLIANT things you have done and are capable of doing.

LOVE YOURSELF!! 🤟

😀 Talk to a friend.

When we are spiralling down our rabbit hole of negativity, a friend can help us hit the brakes, and can actually pull us out of it. All we need to do is talk to them.

Find the one person you are comfortable talking to. Find a person who has a positive aura around them. It’s important. These people live in the practical world, and yet find solutions for almost everything. If they can’t, then they can at least tell you how to deal with the situation.

If you don’t feel like it, you don’t need to open up completely. You can always talk about the highlights of the problem, and still seek advise.

Trust me, having someone else’s opinion often helps in these cases. And if the person knows you well, you will find yourself coming out of the conversation with a grin on your face!

✊ Vow to be better than your present self.

Challenging yourself to be better is one of the most productive ways to crawl out of demotivation.

No matter what anybody says, promise yourself to achieve your dreams — in small portions, of course. Work hard (along with playing harder) to complete what you have started or want to start.

No matter what anybody says, you are the owner of your dreams. You might have a vision that others don’t. Maybe that’s why they do not understand you.

Remember, it is those who dare to differ from the crowd are the ones who leave their marks.

So, feeling better?

The next time demotivation dares to strike you down, just stand up, brush the dust off, and challenge like Lucifer, “How dare you?” And knock that damn demotivation down on the floor!!

So, thaaaaaaat’s it, buddy, for this post!!

Damn! I had promised myself that I will write shorter posts but I just managed to chop down 2 minutes compared to the previous two. Well, 2 minutes! Making progress! 😋

Take care, laugh a lot, love yourself, empathise with others, stay creative, and keep that damn awesome flame inside you burning 🔥!!

Talk to you in a couple of weeks (hope I’m not late this time 😬)! Love ya!